"Home Sweet Home"
#62031-019
Written by
Dan Tobin
Directed by
Joe Regalbuto
Writer's Second Draft
This material is the property of Big Ticket Television
Inc. and is intended for use by its personnel. Distribution to unauthorized
persons is prohibited. DO NOT DUPLICATE.
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Paramount/Viacom Company
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©2003
Big Ticket Television Inc. All rights reserved
Episode #62031-019
"Home Sweet Home"
CAST OF CHARACTERS
Joaquin.............................Julio Oscar Mechoso
Elizabeth..............................Rebecca Creskoff
Ernesto....................................Jacob Vargas
Magdalena................................Lupe Ontiveros
David......................................Pablo Santos
Maria......................................Aimee Garcia
Sarah Tobin.................................Sara Paxton
Daniel.....................................Bobby Chavez
Jay Dugray..................................J.C. Chasez
Herb..........................................Don Perry
Mickey..........................................Al Fann
Cold open
ext. BACK YARD/int. arizona room - early evening (night 1)
(Joaquin, Elizabeth, David, Maria)
elizabeth, joaquin, and david enter from the garage in semi-formal clothes that they begin loosening and removing.
joaquin
Ha, we beat Maria home.
eLIZABETH
I don't think she knew we were racing.
JOAQUIN
That's how I did it. Racing is all about strategy.
dAVID
Congratulations on winning the imaginary race, Dad.
eLIZABETH
You just wanted to win something after sitting through that Senior Awards Ceremony.
dAVID
I don't get why they couldn't give those things out at graduation next week. That way I'd only waste one day on Maria.
ELIZABETH
It's hard to let go of high school, David. You'll understand when you're a senior.
DAVID
I just don't think I'll ever look back on these as the good old days. At least I hope not.
maria enters from the garage, dressed up but sullen.
jOAQUIN
Look, it's the winner of the prestigious Tucson Award.
mARIA
Like you even know what that is.
JOAQUIN
I have no idea what that is, but I'm very proud of my little girl for winning it.
MARIA
Whatever.
maria starts for the house.
JOAQUIN
(GRASPING) Your hair looks nice.
MARIA
Are you making fun of me because I haven't cut it in a month? That is so incredibly mean.
maria exits to the arizona room.
JOAQUIN
The way she's been acting lately, she should have won the sulking award.
eLIZABETH
Maybe that's what the Tucson Award is.
JOAQUIN
It kills me to see her like this. I've got to do something.
dAVID
If you send her to Northwestern like she wants, you won't have to see all the sulking. And with Maria two thousand miles away, I guarantee I'll never have a reason to sulk.
JOAQUIN
No, she's living here and going to the University of Arizona like we discussed. Unless you want to pay for her tuition, Mr. Trump-guy?
DAVID
I'm good.
maria returns to grab something. joaquin springs up.
JOAQUIN
Hey, baby. Here's twenty dollars to go get your hair cut for graduation.
mARIA
Oh my God, you're saying this looks like a twenty-dollar haircut? Is there no end to your cruelty?
maria exits into the arizona room.
JOAQUIN
I thought that was a lot for a haircut.
eLIZABETH
Yeah, well, she has a full head of hair.
reset to:
int. aRIZONA ROOM - cONTINUOUS
a sad-looking maria enters from outside as ernesto enters from the kitchen.
erNESTO
(RE: SCOWL) He still won't let you go to Northwestern, huh?
mARIA
That battle is so three weeks ago. But I've got Dad right where I want him for getting me an apartment.
ERNESTO
Nice. Think you could come to work and sulk me up some extra vacation time?
MARIA
Probably. Talk to me when I'm moved in.
fade out.
end of cold open
act one
scene a
ext. back yard/int. kitchen - later that evening (NIGHT 1)
(David, Ernesto, Joaquin)
david and ernesto prep the grill for a barbecue.
dAVID
You know, this might actually be a turning point for me. With Maria and Dad fighting, this may be the dawning of the Age of David.
erNESTO
Well, good luck, little man. It took me twenty-three years to get your grandpa off my back.
DAVID
What finally changed?
ERNESTO
He died. That pretty much took care of it.
joaquin enters and CROSSES TO david at the grill.
jOAQUIN
Look at my boy, stacking those coals like a master griller.
DAVID
(HE'S WAITED FOR THIS) Thanks, Dad.
JOAQUIN
(NOTICING) Why didn't you use mesquite? Dump those coals and re-do it till you get it right, moron!
joaquin exits into the house.
erNESTO
Hang in there, dude. Sooner or later, that blood pressure thing's bound to catch up with him.
reset to:
int. kITCHEN - cONTINUOUS
joaquin enters to find elizabeth shaping hamburgers and magdalena gathering condiments.
JOAQUIN
(TO MAGDALENA) How'd you find out about this barbecue?
eLIZABETH
Oh, I definitely didn't call her while you were in the bathroom.
MAGDALENA
They make me stay in my room at the Home all the time. They slide in meals like it's solitary confinement.
jOAQUIN
That's the finest senior living in Tucson. They would never do that.
MAGDALENA
Well, maybe they caught me gambling. Repeatedly. Now I'm under house arrest.
JOAQUIN
Yeah, in my house.
magdalena exits to the back yard with ketchup, mustard, etc.
MAGDALENA
Your mother does sound more unhappy than usual.
JOAQUIN
Yeah, great. Let's count how many 'Quin-burgers we need. Two for me, two for you, three for David, three for Maria, six-pack each for Ernesto and Mom, one for good luck... (THINKS A BEAT) Fifty?
eLIZABETH
Leave the math to the banker, dear. And scratch Maria -- she said she's not hungry.
jOAQUIN
No burgers for Maria? Oh no. I've never seen my little girl this upset.
ELIZABETH
I love that you use ground beef as an emotional barometer.
JOAQUIN
Maybe we made the wrong decision about her and school.
ELIZABETH
No we didn't. We agreed that in light of all her lying, Maria's not ready to go away to school.
JOAQUIN
But she's barely speaking to me.
ELIZABETH
I'm sorry -- her lying and manipulation. She needs to learn that her actions have consequences.
JOAQUIN
Okay, but we both made the decision. Why's she taking it out on me?
ELIZABETH
Obviously she's up to something. And she knows how to play you, so be careful. If you see her in pigtails, run away.
JOAQUIN
I do love those pigtails.
ELIZABETH
Run away!
reset to:
ext. bACK YARD - cONTINUOUS
david, ernesto, and magdalena prepare for dinner.
dAVID
What kind of gambling was it, Grandma?
MAGDALENA
The big part was the Dead Pool. You bet when different people are going to kick the bucket.
dAVID
Celebrities?
MAGDALENA
It's a retirement home. We don't need Bob Hope to keep it interesting.
erNESTO
Creepy. (LIGHTING CIGARETTE ON GRILL) Anyone ever bet on me?
MAGDALENA
(YES) No.
cut to:
act one
scene b
int. maria's room - that night (night 1)
(Maria, David, Joaquin)
Maria is lying on the bed in pigtails. there's a knock.
mARIA
(TEARFUL) Come in.
david enters and sees his sad sister.
MARIA (CONT'D)
(SUDDENLY NOT TEARFUL) Oh, it's you.
maria springs up and shuts the door.
DAVID
Have you seen my "Lord of the Rings" DVD?
mARIA
No. Have you checked the pockets of your wizard's cloak?
there's a knock at the door.
jOAQUIN (O.s.)
Baby? You in there?
MARIA
One second! (SOTTO, TO DAVID) Under the bed!
dAVID
I'm your brother, not one of your boy-toys.
MARIA
I've got Dad just where I want him, and it hasn't been easy. I don't want him to get sidetracked punishing you.
DAVID
He wouldn't punish me just for being here.
MARIA
You obviously haven't seen the kitchen.
maria shoos david under the bed, then resumes her sad pose.
MARIA (CONT'D)
(TEARFUL) Come in.
joaquin enters.
jOAQUIN
Hey, sad clown. You've got to cheer up.
they sit together on the bed and we see david underneath, between their feet, cringing under their weight.
MARIA
I know. I'm finally coming to terms with going to the U of A.
JOAQUIN
That's very mature of you.
MARIA
I looked up classes online, and the ones I want are really early in the morning. So, I guess I'll have to take the six a.m. bus through the bad part of Tucson. I'd be tired all day, but my education is worth it.
JOAQUIN
Well, maybe we could talk about you living in the dorms.
MARIA
Oh, I've heard those are great. Everyone stays up all night, the halls are coed...
JOAQUIN
You'll live on a floor with boys?
MARIA
Sure. If the liberal housing department gets its way, I might even have one as my roommate.
JOAQUIN
There must be some other option.
MARIA
Well, those who truly value their education get apartments off-campus. But then I might become too studious.
JOAQUIN
Hmm. Well, at least you seem happier.
MARIA
I am happy!
maria bounces once on the bed, hurting david beneath it. david smacks her foot in retaliation.
mARIA (CONT'D)
Ow!
maria gets an idea and begins to bounce a lot on the bed.
MARIA (CONT'D)
I'm so excited for college!
jOAQUIN
I'm excited you're excited!
joaquin begins to bounce, too. david silently grimaces.
cut to:
act one
scene c
ext. back yard - that weekend (day 2)
(Sarah, Joaquin, Elizabeth, Ernesto, Daniel, David, Maria)
david, joaquin, maria, elizabeth, ernesto, and daniel enter from the house as sarah climbs over the wall. maria wears a cap and gown and THE family is dressed up.
saRAH
Hey, everybody. How was graduation?
jOAQUIN
Long. All those speeches, and no one mentions the embargo against Cuba?
eLIZABETH
Yeah, I think the crowd would have preferred a speech quoting Castro instead of Dr. Seuss.
sARAH
Someone read from "Oh the Places You'll Go"?
erNESTO
Yup. I'm more of a "Yertle the Turtle" man myself.
daniel
I like "Hop On Pop."
daniel attacks ernesto and they wrestle a bit. maria takes off her cap and gown.
dAVID
(TO SARAH) Watch this. Hey, Maria, for graduation, I got you a Hertz Donut.
maria punches david in the arm.
MARIA
Hurts, don't it? Thank you, David. It's just what I wanted.
erNESTO
You should have gotten her a Mattayogi.
sARAH
(TO DAVID) What's a Mattayogi?
dAVID
Nothing, what's the matter with you, Boo-Boo?
ernesto, david, and daniel crack up.
elIZABETH
(TO SARAH) Don't worry, sweetie. They improve with age.
erNESTO
(TO DAVID) You so got her, dude!
SARAH
Yeah, the Tiant men seem to turn out just fine. Here, Maria, I got you pepper spray.
jOAQUIN
But I'm sure you'll never need that on campus.
mARIA
Oh, I'll find a use for it.
david HIDES behind sarah.
sARAH
You're just scoring point after point with me.
erNESTO
Daniel, give your cousin our present.
dAniEL
Con-graduations, Maria.
daniel gives maria a fur hat.
mARIA
Oh my God, is this real fur?
elIZABETH
It must have cost a fortune.
ERNESTO
Nah, my old animal control partner makes them in his spare time. This one used to be a... (THINKS BETTER OF IT) Happy graduation.
mARIA
That is so gross. (PUTS IT ON) Ooh, it fits!
ELIZABETH
Hey, what's that under the picnic table there?
erNESTO
Maybe we can turn it into matching gloves. Should I get my tranq gun?
maria opens the present, revealing a new apple computer.
mARIA
Oh my God, a Titanium laptop!
dAVID
Yeah, shoot me.
ELIZABETH
That's from your father and I.
jOAQUIN
No, it's just from your mother. Not from me. I have my own gift. From me.
ELIZABETH
You got her a pony, didn't you?
jOAQUIN
I went shopping by myself and picked out a gift myself. I did great.
joaquin hands maria a tiny box.
mARIA
Come on, diamond earrings. (OPENS IT, FAKING ENTHUSIASM) Oh wow, a tiny key.
jOAQUIN
...to your very own mailbox!
eLIZABETH
See, this is why I do the shopping and you just sign the card. Actually, I sign the card, too. I guess you just pay for it and get the hugs.
sARAH
I don't get it. Why'd he give Maria a mailbox?
JOAQUIN
You're not as smart as you look, Tobin. The mailbox comes with a free apartment.
MARIA
Oh my God, I can't believe it!
eLIZABETH
Yeah, I can't believe it either. I thought you were keeping your guard up for Maria's Jedi mind tricks.
jOAQUIN
Look at how happy my baby is.
mARIA
This is the best present ever! And such a surprise.
eLIZABETH
You really should have run this by me, Joaquin. You can't just make a big decision like that on your own.
jOAQUIN
But I did. (TO FAMILY) Let's all go see Maria's place right now.
erNESTO
We just got home, dude. Plus, they're showing the original "Terminator" on TV, totally unedited.
daniEL
Am I old enough to see that now?
ERNESTO
I guess we'll find out the hard way.
ernesto and daniel exit into the house as the family starts off for the garage.
eLIZABETH
We're not done discussing this, not by a mile.
JOAQUIN
Okay, we'll talk about it at Maria's new apartment. I love saying that!
mARIA
And I love hearing it!
joaquin, elizabeth, and maria exit to the garage.
dAVID
I should just accept it -- Maria will always be the favorite and David will forever live in the darkness.
sARAH
Boo freakin' hoo. You realize this means your sister's finally out of the house and out of your hair.
DAVID
That's true. But I don't know if I can be completely happy unless Maria's miserable.
SARAH
Yeah, you're going to need to work though that with a professional someday.
jOAQUIN (O.S.)
Hey, pokey little puppy, get in the car!
dAVID
Oh, I'll have plenty to discuss in therapy.
david exits to the garage.
cut to:
act one
scene d
int. apartment - shortly later (day 3)
(Maria, Joaquin, Elizabeth, Magdalena, David)
it's a small apartment, furnished with run-down furniture from the tiants' old house. joaquin, elizabeth, maria, and david enter.
mARIA
Oh my God, Daddy, it's perfect!
jOAQUIN
I thought it was your size. (CRACKS UP) Somebody stop me!
eLIZABETH
If I'd known about this, I absolutely would have tried to.
mARIA
This is so incredibly awesome. And it's so big, I can even save you money by getting a roommate.
jOAQUIN
A roommate. Now there's an idea.
magdalena enters from the bedroom with a broom and dustpan.
mARIA
Hey, Grandma. What do you think of my new apartment?
magDALENA
Yours? Joaquin said it was my new apartment.
jOAQUIN
Maria, meet your new roommate.
mARIA
Hijole.
eLIZABETH
You are full of surprises, Mr. Tiant.
dAVID
Maybe things are starting to look up for David after all.
fade out.
end of act one
act two
scene E
int. living room - that evENING (NIGHT 2)
(Elizabeth, Joaquin)
joaquin and elizabeth are relaxing on the couch.
eLIZABETH
I have to say, I really thought Maria had played you again. But instead, she was the fiddle and you were the hillbilly leading the hoedown.
jOAQUIN
This is my best plan yet. Everybody wins.
eLIZABETH
Sure, sure, I see no potential landmines in your elderly mother and teenage daughter as roommates.
JOAQUIN
It's not like one of them's going to leave the seat up.
ELIZABETH
There is slightly more to living together. Have you really thought this through? What if Maria wants to have a wild party?
JOAQUIN
My mom will put a stop to that nonsense.
eLIZABETH
What if your mom needs a doctor?
JOAQUIN
Maria took CPR that one summer.
ELIZABETH
What if--
JOAQUIN
Don't you see? I've fixed everything. Mom wanted out of the Home -- done. Maria wanted an apartment -- done. We both wanted Maria supervised -- done. Everything is done, and I'm a hero.
ELIZABETH
Look, hero, it's great you didn't get tricked by Maria, but I'm not sure this plan is so air-tight.
jOAQUIN
Did I mention I got us an extra key so we can use the pool whenever we want?
ELIZABETH
Okay, that part of the plan I like.
JOAQUIN
The rest will grow on you. Just like me.
ELIZABETH
Is the rest of the plan as cute as you?
as they start to fool around, we: CUT TO:
act two
scene h
int. apARTMENT - A few days later (day 3)
(Herb, Magdalena, Maria, Mickey, Jay)
magdalena plays poker with two older men, herb and mickey.
music cue: a dean martin record plays way too loud.
maria enters with bags of home items and turns down the stereo.
herb
Who's the narc?
magDALENA
That's just my roommate.
mARIA
Grandma, I didn't know we were having guests already.
MAGDALENA
These are my poker buddies, Herb and Mickey. We stormed the Bay of Pigs together. (TO GUYS) Read 'em and weep, ladies -- full house.
mICKEY
I should have shot you when I had the chance.
they share a laugh as magdalena takes her chips.
mARIA
(HOPEFUL) Last hand?
hERB
Your grandma wishes.
sfx: doorbell
maria answers the door revealing Jay Dugray, a scruffy-looking rock 'n roll dude.
MARIA
Can I help you?
Jay
Dude, I'm your landlord, Jay Dugray.
MARIA
Oh, I'm Maria. Did you want us to turn down the music or something?
Jay
Nah, man, Dino's top choice. You a student or something?
MARIA
Yeah, I'm starting U of A in the fall, but I wanted to get settled in now.
Jay
That school kicks ass. I'm about to start there, too.
MARIA
Oh, are you a returning student?
Jay
You know it. My dad owns this building, and he said I could live here while I went to school. That was back in '86. So, I'm starting my fifth degree this year.
MARIA
Sounds like a good use of your time.
Jay
Oh yeah. (SLY) You know, I have a degree or two in women's studies...
MARIA
Um, I'm in the middle of a poker game.
maria shuts the door on Jay. she's exasperated.
herb
It's eight o'clock.
magDALENA
Time for "Judge Judy"!
magdalena turns on the tv at way too loud a volume.
mickEY
Turn it up!
magdalena turns up the tv. maria exits out the front door.
cut to:
act two
scene j
int. maria's room - later that day (day 3)
(David, Ernesto, Joaquin, Elizabeth)
ernesto is redecorating in his own style but hasn't been thorough: there's a steer's skull among teddy bears, pink walls with keith richards posters, a samurai sword resting on folded baby tees, etc. david enters with a crate of records.
dAVID
You know, that's the first time I walked through this doorway and didn't expect an safe to fall on my head.
erNESTO
Are you saying you don't miss Maria living here?
DAVID
I'm sorry, was that not clear?
joaquin opens the door and enters.
dAVID (CONT'D)
Hey, Dad.
joAQUIN
(TO ERNESTO) What are you doing?
DAVID
(BEAMING) See ya, Dad.
david exits.
erNESTO
No point sleeping under the house if there's a room inside that's bigger, better... pinker.
joAQUIN
You can't change this room. We're preserving it just as my little princess left it.
ERNESTO
Dude, she wasn't killed by a drunk driver.
JOAQUIN
You still have no right to be in here.
ERNESTO
Maybe we should talk about why you're in here.
JOAQUIN
I own this house, I can be anywhere.
elizabeth enters.
elIZABETH
Joaquin, why are you in Maria's room?
erNESTO
Ha!
joAQUIN
Ha yourself -- she called it Maria's room, which it is, not yours.
ERNESTO
Fine, then I'm crashing in "Maria's room."
JOAQUIN
No you're not.
elIZABETH
Okay, you're two grown men yelling in a teenage girl's room. This is the kind of thing that usually ends in jail-time.
ernESTO
That reminds me, I should call my friend Richard. (THEN) Look, if I move in here, you can turn my room into a workshop.
JOAQUIN
I can do that anyway. And maybe it's time I did.
erNESTO
Hey, I don't have to take this. I can go crash at my buddy Lalo's any time I want.
JOAQUIN
Okay, then go "crash" at Lalo's. All I know is you can't "crash" in this house, crash-head.
joaquin exits. ernesto turns to elizabeth.
ERNESTO
He doesn't know what "crash" means, does he?
elIZABETH
Bigger fish to fry, Ernesto.
elizabeth exits. a woman climbs out from under maria's bed.
erNESTO
Well, I suppose you're breaking up with me now. (OFF HER NOD) You're not the first.
cut to:
act two
scene k
int. kiTCHEN - moments later (DAY 4)
(Sarah, David)
david and sarah are at the table eating nachos.
sARAH
This is going to sound weird, but you look taller.
dAVID
That's because the weight of the world that usually hunches my shoulders just moved in with Grandma.
SARAH
Yeah, your house does feel like "The Exorcist" after the priest jumps out the window.
DAVID
Seriously. Last night I slept with my bedroom door unlocked, nobody flushed the toilet during my shower, and Dad's so Maria-crazy, I'm totally under his radar.
SARAH
Wow, I haven't seen you this happy since I got that bra that clasps in front. I'm just worried you're going to fall extra hard when it ends.
DAVID
I didn't hear anything after "bra."
reset to:
int. liVING ROOM - continuOUS
joaquin enters followed by elizabeth.
joAQUIN
Hey, I've been wanting kick Ernesto out since before he even moved in.
ELIZABETH
So you're going to make him live with Lalo?
JOAQUIN
Lalo's been sleeping in the animal control truck since Labor Day. I'm sure Ernesto will end up mooching off some family member with an apartment.
joaquin and elizabeth exit to the kitchen.
reset to:
int. kITCHEN - cONTINUOUS
joaquin and elizabeth enter. david and sarah continue eating.
eLIZABETH
So you kicked out Ernesto just to have him check up on Maria.
joaquin crosses to right in front of the refrigerator.
JOAQUIN
No, but that is an added bonus. My mom's probably too busy gambling away her social security. Just like Gore would have done.
ELIZABETH
Joaquin, it's okay to admit that you miss your daughter.
joAQUIN
That has nothing to do with this!
dAVID
(SOTTO TO SARAH) Watch this.
david gets up and goes to the fridge. he waves hello to joaquin, grabs a beer, and sits back down with sarah.
DAVID (CONT'D)
How cool is that?
sARAH
It's strangely like my house. Except without the empty vodka bottles at your dad's feet.
joAQUIN
(TO ELIZABETH) My plan is working out great, I don't care what you say.
joaquin exits to the arizona room. just as david's about to open the beer, elizabeth grabs it and follows joaquin.
eLIZABETH
Just because he's on autopilot doesn't mean the plane crashes.
elizabeth exits.
dAVID
You still have to admit, that was pretty cool while it lasted.
sARAH
Yeah, my favorite part was when you almost opened it.
cut to:
act two
scene l
int. aPARTMENT - that eVENING (night 4)
(Maria, Ernesto, Magdalena, Daniel, Jay)
maria enters to find magdalena and ernesto playing poker.
maRIA
(TO ERNESTO) What are you doing here?
erNESTO
I'm crashing on your couch till your dad cools down.
mARIA
Oh my God, you're here forever.
magDALENA
Want some cards, mijo?
MARIA
No, I want my apartment.
erNESTO
I'll play you for it.
daniel enters with a sleeping bag.
daNIEL
Where should I sleep, Dad?
erNESTO
Try the coffee table. I don't want to roll off the couch and crush you. (TO MARIA) My weekend with the kid.
mARIA
Of course it is.
dANIEL
(CLIMBING ONTO COFFEE TABLE) I love staying at Maria's!
jay dugray enters from the bathroom.
Jay
What's up, dude? Your grandma's a shark.
mARIA
Why are you here?
erNESTO
Who, Jay Dugray? We go way back.
Jay
Sort of. I still haven't forgiven you for breaking up that cockfighting ring I used to run.
ERNESTO
Hey, I was under quota that month. (TO MARIA) Yeah, your grandma said Jay-Boy could crash here tonight.
Jay
Just until the landlord fixes the plumbing in my apartment.
mARIA
But you're the landlord.
Jay
Okay, then just until I fix the plumbing.
maria plops down on the couch.
magDALENA
Look at us. We're like one big illegal immigrant family. Who wants to pick some oranges?
dAniel
I do!
maria exits to her room and slams the door.
cut to:
act two
scene m
int. JOAQUIN & ELIZABETH'S BEDROOM - that nIGHT (night 4)
(Elizabeth, Joaquin)
elizabeth IS IN BED with a book and the cordless phone as joaquin enters in workout clothes.
eLIZABETH
Guess who I talked to while you were out jogging? Maria.
joAQUIN
Is everything okay? Does she need me to go over there?
ELIZABETH
No, she's got enough Tiants there tonight. Joaquin, this is getting out of control.
JOAQUIN
I have no idea what you mean.
ELIZABETH
Maria tried to trick you again, but you ended up tricking her. You won. Good job. But now it's going too far.
JOAQUIN
Are you crazy? This is my best plan ever.
ELIZABETH
Oh, really? You got Maria this apartment to try to mend your relationship with her, but she's no closer to liking you than when this all began.
JOAQUIN
Well, she's not ready to have an apartment by herself.
ELIZABETH
Then you shouldn't have gotten her one.
JOAQUIN
Fine, she'll live at home.
ELIZABETH
Look, I agree Maria's not ready to move to Chicago, but that doesn't mean you can keep her here forever.
JOAQUIN
Just until she gets married.
ELIZABETH
I'm serious. If you keep trying to control her like this, you're only going to push her away. So what do you want -- Maria across town who loves you, or Maria who lives here and hates you?
JOAQUIN
Can't I have Maria here who loves me?
ELIZABETH
Not unless you track down a Delorean and Christopher Lloyd. If you don't want to lose your daughter, you're going to have to treat her like a grown-up.
JOAQUIN
Well, that's not going to happen. I'll figure something out.
ELIZABETH
Fine. But whatever you decide, we should probably... no, definitely keep that pool key.
joaquin exits.
cut to:
act two
scene p
int. MARIA'S ROOM - momENTS LATER (night 4)
(Joaquin, Maria, Sarah, David)
joaquin enters with a can of oil and starts oiling the door hinges. he hears a rustle at the window, and sees maria sneaking in.
joAQUIN
(SINGING) "She came in through the bedroom window..."
mARIA
My apartment's kind of at capacity.
JOAQUIN
I guess that's my fault.
MARIA
Yeah, I guess it is.
JOAQUIN
So I'm paying for a place for Ernesto and your grandmother? Yeah, that ends now. (THEN) Look, I only did all this because I love you and I worry about you. You're my little girl.
MARIA
No, I'm your big girl. Technically, I'm a woman.
JOAQUIN
I'll pretend you didn't say that.
MARIA
I need some independence, Dad. You have to respect that.
JOAQUIN
It's just harder to let go than I thought. I'll make you a deal -- you stay at home for now, and if things work out, next semester you can move into the dorms.
MARIA
And then next year Northwestern?
JOAQUIN
One step at a time.
MARIA
Thanks, Daddy. (LOOKING AROUND) What happened in here anyway?
JOAQUIN
Ernesto happened in here. Why do you think I kicked him out?
MARIA
He said he captured an intruder and you felt threatened by him.
JOAQUIN
Figures. Come on, let me buy you an ice cream. My little girl loves ice cream.
MARIA
Daddy...
JOAQUIN
My "big girl" loves ice cream? That sounds stupid.
MARIA
We'll figure it out on the way.
joaquin and maria exit arm-in-arm. a beat, then david and sarah climb out from under the bed.
sARAH
I guess the Age of David is on hold for at least another semester.
dAVID
What are you talking about? They won't be back from ice cream for half an hour.
SARAH
I can't resist that kind of sweet-talk.
they start to make out.
fade out.
end of show
